Somedays... You Starve

So I just moved into my new apartment with Phil yesterday; which was too much of an ordeal after driving 8 hours home from Philly the day before including through Downtown NYC traffic and a 5 a.m. shift at work the day of the move. But, the move was accomplished, and here I sit on a futon cushion in the corner of the apartment we have lovingly nicknamed "The Republic of Letters." It's spacious, has lots of windows (but no lights weirdly enough) and is slowly coming together as the home of two nerds. However all I can think about at the moment is how fucking hungry I am. The reason for this being I haven't eaten today, which I guess isn't really a revelatory reason. The purpose for stating that is I was reminded by my hunger of a conversation I had with my old roommate Shawn about some other roommates who hadn't quite gotten how rough living without parental support could be. They were grumbling about how hungry they were and how much they wish they weren't poor and how difficult life is when Shawn turned to them and said, "Motherfuckers... some days you just lay there and starve."

I like this story, because it's 100% true. Some days, when you're a poor prep cook, you starve when you can't afford to buy groceries. It's not necessarily a bad thing, it's just a sign that you understand that being an adult sometimes isn't the fun body shot and all-night party lifestyle we like to think it is when we're high schoolers or undergrads in college. I understand that I just moved here and that I've got more bills to pay then I've had in my life before; rent, utilities, student loans, and the like. This means that sometimes I have to prioritize my spending, and food gets written out of the equation. I work tomorrow, I get a free sandwich, and I can hold out. Until then, I like to think of this as some sort of mind/body purification, allowing me to focus on things other than how fucking good a plate of damn nachos would be right now.

So continue about your evening, Internet. I'm gonna lay here and happily starve.

Oh Hi There

Well hello internet, I didn’t see you there. I guess I should probably write a trite introductory post, but somehow that feels like I’m at an AA meeting. ”Hi… my name is Ari… it’s been 4 weeks since my last drink” to be greeted by the chorus of crushed souls “Hi Ari” (by the way, that drink comment? Blatant lie. It’s been about 4 hours.)

HOWEVER! Back to the topic at hand before something shiny distracts me. As I’m sure you’ve guessed… my name is Ari. Ariel really but, I was born in such close proximity to the premiere of The Little Mermaid that I feel it’s better to shorten it. I’m short, shy, a chronic insomniac, and a caffeine addict. I like walking around at the very break of day when even the birds aren’t awake yet, climbing trees, and dancing around the house in my underwear. I’m a cook, musician, writer, philosopher-wannabe, and a pure-blooded pedigree dreamer. I revel in my own insanity and can’t live without books. As far as personal symbolism goes, my best friend Phil said it best when he talked about how I was like the ouroboros, "It's your kind of symbolism. Eternity, elegance, a hint of sadomasochism. Ancient, refined, mystical, and just a bit edgy. It's the Dorian Gray of infinity signs." To know more… I guess you’re just gonna have to stay tuned.

Blast from my Past

While searching for something to write about for a writing exchange I'm doing with my friend Renee I came across this gem from last year while I was madly in love with someone. It has potential, so I'm working with it. Just thought I'd clue you in on what I was like a year ago

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“Tell me a secret.” he said quietly, the emerald circles in the center of his eyes holding my icy irises in thrall. The hubbub of the restaurant faded; the sound of desperate actors, hungry patrons, arcade games disappearing until all I could hear was the rushing of the blood in my veins and the pounding of my suddenly racing heart. I fidgeted with my pen flicking it between my fingers, a concrete mirror of my thoughts.

I tried to break the gaze, break his relentless excavating into my soul, but try as I might, I could not break free, “I don't have anymore.” I murmured, finally breaking that adamantine gaze, unable to withstand its intensity any longer, “You know them all.” Out of the corner of my eye I saw him smile, I saw The Smile, that facial contortion I knew so well. He had his victory, his sense of accomplishment and I, for the first time in our friendship, had my fear.

What would happen now, now that he knew everything about me? Would he lose interest, find a new vessel of chaos to entertain him? I stared deep into the bubbles of carbonation in my soda, watching them fizz and disappear. Could I handle losing him? I'd always known what we had was ephemeral; brief and fragile as the bubbles I now sought answers from. But I'd never really considered that our bubble might pop. I'd built a life on that bubble, constructed a love on that bubble, and now he held a needle a fraction of an inch from its iridescent surface. That thumping in my ears returned, a constant rhythmic message, “you've lost, you've lost, you've lost, you've lost.” my heart seemed to say, the very seat of my affection denying me the connection I'd become so addicted to.

I raised my eyes, locking into the jade gaze, feeling the seconds tick into minutes and then stretch into hours. Then came the laugh, expansive and purifying, the laugh I know, that I hungered for, the laugh that broke the temporal tyranny of my own thoughts, “Good.” was the sole reply, the elegant baritone lifting my spirits, “that's what I thought. Now we can really start.”

Cocoa Pebbles and Time Lords

Oh hey there Internet, it's me again, Ari. I know you missed me. So I decided to give this whole blog thing another go and see if I can't keep with it. Currently I'm doing my favorite thing; watching Doctor Who and eating some cocoa pebbles, which is truly the food of the gods. I don't really have anything substantive to say, just hi! So I'll let you get back to your lolcats and your trolling. Have a great evening!