Blast from my Past

While searching for something to write about for a writing exchange I'm doing with my friend Renee I came across this gem from last year while I was madly in love with someone. It has potential, so I'm working with it. Just thought I'd clue you in on what I was like a year ago

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“Tell me a secret.” he said quietly, the emerald circles in the center of his eyes holding my icy irises in thrall. The hubbub of the restaurant faded; the sound of desperate actors, hungry patrons, arcade games disappearing until all I could hear was the rushing of the blood in my veins and the pounding of my suddenly racing heart. I fidgeted with my pen flicking it between my fingers, a concrete mirror of my thoughts.

I tried to break the gaze, break his relentless excavating into my soul, but try as I might, I could not break free, “I don't have anymore.” I murmured, finally breaking that adamantine gaze, unable to withstand its intensity any longer, “You know them all.” Out of the corner of my eye I saw him smile, I saw The Smile, that facial contortion I knew so well. He had his victory, his sense of accomplishment and I, for the first time in our friendship, had my fear.

What would happen now, now that he knew everything about me? Would he lose interest, find a new vessel of chaos to entertain him? I stared deep into the bubbles of carbonation in my soda, watching them fizz and disappear. Could I handle losing him? I'd always known what we had was ephemeral; brief and fragile as the bubbles I now sought answers from. But I'd never really considered that our bubble might pop. I'd built a life on that bubble, constructed a love on that bubble, and now he held a needle a fraction of an inch from its iridescent surface. That thumping in my ears returned, a constant rhythmic message, “you've lost, you've lost, you've lost, you've lost.” my heart seemed to say, the very seat of my affection denying me the connection I'd become so addicted to.

I raised my eyes, locking into the jade gaze, feeling the seconds tick into minutes and then stretch into hours. Then came the laugh, expansive and purifying, the laugh I know, that I hungered for, the laugh that broke the temporal tyranny of my own thoughts, “Good.” was the sole reply, the elegant baritone lifting my spirits, “that's what I thought. Now we can really start.”